Days of Our (Pregnant) Lives...

Wow...well I never thought I'd be a cry baby, but it looks like the shoe fits at this point in my life. In the past two or three days I've become become addicted to youtube. I mostly watch music videos - but I also torture myself with A LOT of baby videos. I've cried more times in the past two days than I have in my life I'm sure. And I'm not talking boo-hoo, one-two tears kind of thing. I'm talking there is a rainstorm exploding out of my eyes and sobs that make my torso shake so much I'm sure the baby is down there taking notes on "how to have a freak session like mom". See and these aren't fits of inner-turmoil...no, no - I cry because I see a baby getting it's first bath and she is just throwing a fit (new competition in the crying game)... And then I think what kind of mother am I going to be??? Seriously, I cried today because I know I'm going to have to see my baby cry like that - and I'm going to have to know what to do about it.

So that's just one of my recent obsessions. I've also become a huge dork when it comes to our baby's development. So somewhere I read that mothers who are pregnant with their second (or more) child can feel their baby move early on since they know what to look for. I read that some mothers even feel the baby move as early as 9 weeks! So I get all snotty and think "hey...how hard can it be to distinguish fetal movements from gas?" So that night I'm laying in bed, and I'm being super still, not saying a word, becoming one with my lower abdominal gurglings... about ten minutes later I gave up because after each gurgle followed a clear and definite sign that these were not fetal movements.

Anyway. So I will officially be 11 weeks on Monday. I had a dream last night that I was at my 12 week appointment and we were watching the ultrasound and the baby was just jumping around as healthy as can be. I really feel that it was a reassurance from the Lord. The past few days have just kind of been quiet as far as the pregnancy goes...(well I mean, the nausea's come back...haha...they always come back, don't they?) I had begun to get a little worried again. The other night I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so I tapped my snoring Danny on the shoulder and asked him to pray for the baby quickly. After he said "k", and I said a quick prayer too, I was still a little anxious. Maybe part of my worrying also comes from the fact that I haven't been eating the best that I can - and I've gotten better at drinking the fluids, but it's still not where it should be. The past two times I've seen my doctor he's told me that I need to be eating more snacks more frequently. I don't know why it's so difficult - maybe partly because of the nausea and mostly because my list of what's appetizing has become extremely small. And I'm trying on the fluid thing, but even juice seems too sweet sometimes. Anywho...anytime anyone asks me how I'm feeling lately, the only reply I can come up with is "I just feel weird" - and it's entirely true! But it's also entirely wonderful at the same time. There's just so much to be thankful for, and everytime I look at Danny, and everytime my hand brushes my tummy, I still look up and think "wha??? all this for me?"

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7