are You sure I'm ready?...

So I leave tomorrow morning at 6:00 a.m.. Actually, I leave to go to the airport at 3:30 a.m., which is kind of exciting. I just wanted to throw something out there before I leave. Have you ever felt like you are just about to be led up to the frontlines, completely unready? See you can be fully armed and equipped, but we all know when it all begins even if you have the best armor in the world, if you're not ready to boldly step forward and use it then you might as well throw it off and run. I've been struggling with that for quite sometime now - not insecure in my armor but insecure in my ability to use it when the time comes. As kind of a defense mechanism to dealing with this insecurity, I'd chosen to just forget the whole idea of the frontlines. BIG mistake. The frontlines don't wait for you to feel ready. And if the frontlines don't wait for you to feel ready, then that must mean the enemy doesn't wait for you to feel ready! So where did this struggle leave me? Right in the middle of a thick and awesome cloud of power from Him. The cloud swirled around me and I saw in it the times that I've fallen, and He's lifted me. There were the times when I'd been beaten, and He'd healed me - scared, and He comforted me. You know when you look at a picture of you and a few friends? What's the first thing you look at? Somewhere a speaker once said it's most likely yourself. So my choice in looking at these pictures, this reel of my short lifetime swirling all around me was this: to a) look at myself (weak and wounded, inconsistent, faulty, crippled...) or to b) look at Him - mighty...strong...endlessly wise...constant... So, in one of those rare moments in life, I chose the wise decision, and took my focus from myself and put it on the One who has sustained me. You know a garden spade becomes a mighty tool when it is placed in the hands of a strong gardener. How ridiculous would it be for that spade to fear that it isn't strong enough to cut the dirt? See, the strength needed to cut the dirt comes directly from the push of the Gardener's arm. The spade's job is simply to surrender itself to the Gardener's hand, sit back, and find joy in the flowers being planted. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for [He] will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)